I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
