They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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