I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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