So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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