because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Alive.
So much puke
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
