The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
