i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
