Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
