My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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