sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
