What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
