The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
