lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
