look no pants
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
