JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
