Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
