yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
