Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
