You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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