i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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