hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I am morally bankrupt
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
