there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
