happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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