Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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