Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
