you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
this hospital has no fireball
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
