Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
