I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
being pregnant is like rehab
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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