i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
