Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Randomize
