How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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