i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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