Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
