You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
