??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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