i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
