the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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