like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
