my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
