Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
