There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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