Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
How's work?
Spinning.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
