walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
