Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
