Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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