I just threw up on my dentist
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
