my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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