So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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