Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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