"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
