Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
