when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
