girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
