i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
